I Don’t Want to Miss It

I wrote this in my Notes app on my lunch break in October. It was a time where I kept feeling this pressing of increasing my faith. I kept having this feeling of anticipation and I had no idea where it was coming from because, to be honest, I’m pretty sure I was dealing with seasonal depression at the time. So one day I just decided to take a minute in my car while eating a chocolate croissant from Starbucks to write out what I was feeling: 

I feel like the Lord has been talking to me about faith a lot. Specifically my lack of it and how I need to change my words. Mike Todd preached about how God heard the complaints of the Israelites in the wilderness and because they did not believe in the promise that God gave them, they would receive exactly what they complained and feared about. 

YEESH. 

I don’t know about anybody else but I would rather be in the promise than jeopardize dying in the wilderness. How heartbreaking would that be? To use my mouth to fight and pray for freedom and deliverance and then, again with my own mouth, hinder that breakthrough. All because it’s unfamiliar to me. My mentality has been so stuck in fear and doubt that I think that God would do me dirty. Crazy. 

The same God who healed my aunt from Stage 4 cancer? 

The same God who saved my dad from literally dying from Covid after his body shut down?

The same God who has kept my mind?

Who wakes me up every morning? 

Who has been a provider, keeper, redeemer? 

That God? God has already gone before me and seen the beautiful promised land and He brings it to me, telling me how wonderful it is and I still have the audacity to say no? Lord have mercy on me.

I’m fighting for my faith back. My intimacy with the Lord has increased day by day. I’m praying more each day. I’m building my faith by getting close to what He says so it will transform my words. So many signs that I’ve seen that this is the season I’m in. Having faith and believing for miracles, for things that my mind has yet to see or imagine. Having crazy faith, believing for things that scare me but placing those same things into the hands of God. God wants our faith because He’s moving. He wants to show us His power. It’s as if He’s saying, “I’m about to do something and I don’t want you to miss it.”

So my question to you, whoever you are, whatever your background, maybe you don’t believe in God or don’t believe in anything. But what do you feel you’re anticipating? Have you felt the same thing I’ve felt? I know we’re entering season 3 of the pandemic and 2022 is around the corner but what are some things that are pressing in your mind? I don’t mean anxious thoughts or feelings. I mean those dreams or drives that you can’t seem to shake. Those recurring visions or words you keep seeing and hearing that connect to a goal you’ve wanted to accomplish. I’d love to be able to pray for you and believe with you for whatever that may be. I think we can still find hope even when the circumstances don’t look promising. I think God will still do miracles in our lives, open doors, and create spaces for us to grow even when it looks pretty slim. That’s just who He is. 

I don’t want to miss out on what He’s about to do and I don’t want you to either.