Why Can’t We Stay Together?

A few weeks ago, my sister sent me a Tik Tok of Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone on the set of The Amazing Spiderman II (I do not want slander in my comments about the film. I loved it, bye). It was a behind the scenes look at how they worked together so well and had amazing chemistry. It broke my heart because anyone who cares about pop culture like I do knows that they dated for years and sadly broke up. To this day, I wish that they were still together. I loved them. 

But then, it got me thinking about other celebrity couples that didn’t last. Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Recently, Zoe Kravitz filed for divorce from her husband after 18 months. Oliva Wilde and Jason Sudeikis were together for ten years, engaged for seven of those years, and recently ended it. The one thing that these couples have in common (mostly Miley & Liam and Brangelina) are that they were together for years, living together, creating a life together, even having children without ever signing a marriage license. But as soon as they said “I do” (with the exception of Olivia and Jason), instead of being madly in love, it was irreconcilable differences. Meaning, they can’t be in a room together without someone calling 911. They simply do not get along anymore and it’s not enough to salvage the marriage.

How does that happen?

Well, Arielle. They could have been miserable the whole time. 

Okay, but let’s say that they weren’t miserable. Let’s say that they actually loved each other and it was amazing. They loved each other so much that they decided to live together and create a life together. We were invited to celebrate their love and their relationship and the kids, etc. When they made the decision to make it legal and “official” and tie the knot, we were all ecstatic! It was the wedding that we’d been waiting for. Then after a year or even less, it’s over. We’re crushed wondering what happened? What changed? We need to know. I would love to know. Especially because it seemed like everything was good! What about their relationship became different?

I only think about this because there’s this ever present argument that people don’t believe that they need marriage or that it’s not a big deal and just a piece of paper. So my rebuttal is, if it is just a piece of paper, why not get married? From a personal observation, it seems like everything was going pretty well if you’re building a life with someone, right? 

You and this person want to be together forever, want to love each other, and want to build a life together. Does a marriage license really change your relationship that much? Also, the tax benefits are pretty dope. According to The Knot, some of the benefits of marriage include things like unlimited marital tax deduction and Social Security benefits through your spouse, although that doesn’t kick in until you’re at least 62. The other benefits are inheritance (you can inherit a spouse’s estate without tax consequences), health insurance, and also a longer life! Research has shown that couples in committed marriages live longer than those who are single, cohabit or are divorced. Sounds like a deal to me.

Maybe it’s how people view marriage. Maybe they think that marriage will change the other person or will make the relationship better. Fun fact: if your relationship already kind of sucks, marriage won’t make it better. I’ve been told marriage puts a mirror to yourself and it magnifies your issues. I would recommend therapy, individual and couples. The way that people talk about marriage is so wild to me. It was originally designed to be this beautiful thing and people make it seem like marriage is  the worst decision to make in your life. Suddenly, you can’t live and you’re trapped with this person forever.

To me, marriage is a bonding covenant, designed by God. Genesis 2:24 (ESV) says “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” I believe that there’s a bond that happens when you marry someone. I find it deeper than a piece of paper. You become one in all aspects. That is your person. You’re willing to sacrifice for them, cater to them, and ultimately, they’re your best friend. I believe that marriage is meant to make us selfless, not selfish. Honestly, if you’re not willing to sacrifice even just a little bit, a relationship, let alone a marriage, probably isn’t for you.

The two couples that I mentioned, Miley& Liam, Brad & Angelina, met on a film set where they played romantic partners. Could they just have gotten invested in the lives of their characters too deeply? Could it be that the love between their characters convinced them that it was really them? I guess my opinion could be a bit limited because I’m not a celebrity nor was I in the relationship. I’m also not married. I guess that there is pressure to look perfect for the cameras when you have so much influence. With all of this attention on every aspect of your life, I can see how people are forced to have to keep up this image of marital bliss or even just the image of an amazing relationship. The media then exposes what’s really going on and then the couple may or may not release a statement regarding the situation. So we never really know the truth. 

I’m very interested in what you all think. Let me know in the comments your opinions about it. What is marriage to you? Is it just a piece of paper? Why do you think celebrity or non celebrity relationships don’t work?